I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
