how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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