They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
