if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
