When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
