I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
