you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize