Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
