Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
