So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
