i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
