so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
