So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
