What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There are leaves in my underwear?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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