i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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