I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
