Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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