I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
