Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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