I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
whose ass print is on the piano?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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