Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Damn victory sex feels great
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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