i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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