As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
