I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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