If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
