My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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