Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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