Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
