Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
