break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
