they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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