he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
