I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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