if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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