I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
