she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That accounts for only three of the penises
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Someone signed my nipple.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize