Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My balls are so social today.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
