Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
