Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
