I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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