He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina is officially offended.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
