I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
