you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize