woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize