It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
