Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
