If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
