Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
