There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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