your thong is hanging out like whoa
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
