It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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