I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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