Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
