what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
