O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Let's paint friendship bongs
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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