will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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