Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
