and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize