if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
