Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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