Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
