My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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