remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
