no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
