i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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