I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
