at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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