my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
