when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
