I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
