Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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