Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Pants are for mortals
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
