you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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