i think i have two assholes
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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