Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
