4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
