I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
