Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
