smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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