the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
