Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
