Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
