I looked at my own cervix.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
