I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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