Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize