Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
