I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
