I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
