Having a random hookup so left but love u
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
