keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
