you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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