Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
