Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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