You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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