My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
