I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
