and you said cock pushups were impossible
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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