why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
