Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
